30+1 Thoughts I Had While Watching Alien For The First Time

I have managed to avoid this movie for 26 years and I decided to get it over with. Now, I hate being scared. I just don't like it. People who enjoy horror movies are a different breed as far as I am concerned. I like to laugh and cry at movies, but I hate being scared. Now, this is, after all, a horror movie. Some would argue that it's an old movie, but if it is done right, trust me, age don't count... On top of this my brother loved it growing up, and I felt it my sisterly duty to hate it. This is something siblings do, we tease each other and at the end of the day we high-five. Not to mention that I never understood why someone who like me doesn't like being scared would love this horror movie so much. So I figured I would ask him to watch it with me. We made a family evening out of it, with him forcing his wife and my sister to tag along :D He always warned me before the jump scares, and I am grateful to him for that. Finally, instead of a review I decided to write down the thoughts I had during the movie because I am certain that the world is running out of people who haven't seen it yet and as such I thought it would be entertaining to read! So here we go:

Alien

1) Why am I watching this? Oh it's slow... that's not good, suspense is the worst!

2) Are all scientists weird on purpose?

3) Dear God Sigourney Weaver is beautiful! Okay, okay, maybe it really was worth it to watch this movie.

4) I hope they won't kill the cat...

5) I also hope the black guy is not gonna die first.

6) They are going investigating... where's my pillow? *Hides behind pillow.*

7) I changed my mind, TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!! *Becomes one with the pillow.*

8) Jump scare, of course, but you know what? I have always found it stupid when smart people started touching things they shouldn't. These are not doctors or scientists or anything like that, they are just answering a distress call. Did it eat through its helmet? Oh I guess it did. Okay. Still weird, but a lot more acceptable than the dumb sh*t I've seen the trailer of the new Alien movies.

9) OMG THAT FACEHUGGER IS SO EFFING UGLY! Oh stop... stop choking him, no, that tail *holds back barf*, just gross...

10) WHY WOULD YOU BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH IT?! F*CK THAT GUY, SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT NOOWWW!!!

11) (My brother warns me in advance that it will fall onto someone's shoulder, so I don't scream.) Nonetheless, this thing is disgusting. This mucous membrane on the outside and the belly looking like a rotten mushroom dipped in honey... It is very effective, I'm not criticizing, I'm actually impressed by how disgusting it is, I'm just saying... yuck.

Spaceballs (1987)

12) Ah! The dinner scene. Oh it's so cute the way it ran away. I immediately start singing the song from Spaceballs because of course I do.

13) "Micro changes in air density, my ass." I love her! #RipleyIsLife

14) Need to admit, the music is fantastic. And as far as my claustrophobia is concerned, it's getting worse by the minute. #Impressed

15) OMG! The black guy is still alive! I am so proud of you Alien movie!

16) Oh that's a brilliant twist. They were sent there on purpose. Now I get--- WOAH! "There is an explanation for this, you know." Ash, wtf man, why isn't she screaming? How did he get in there with her and Mother?

17) Oh god it's a robot. It's an effing rob--- uhm. That paper does not look like the most efficient tool for killing someone, but you do you, Bilbo Baggins.

18) That white stuff coming out of him is just wrong.

19) "Purity." ... hmm... it's killing people. What purity? The fact that it's soul is not burdened they way that of humans are? Is this robot looking down on humans because of their emotions? This is actually fascinating, comparing an animal with a killer instinct and saying it is pure as opposed to humans. I think I'm going to be thinking about this for a while for sure.

20) WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THAT F*CKING CAT??!!

21) Huh, funny, I'm sure people thought that Ripley was gonna die, of course I know she survives, but that scene was intense nonetheless.

22) Wow, the black guy was almost last to die, I am officially moved.

23) I hope they stick a warning sign for epileptic people on this DVD because I'm close to barfing and I'm not even that sensitive.

24) It's in the ship.

25) It's in the f*cking ship.

26) It's gonna jump out, it's in the effing ship for sure!

27) Okay, why is the mother ship blowing up 3 times in a row?

28) Ah! Finally the tank top scene! Worth it! #LoveRipley

29) Why doesn't it attack her? Is it sleeping? Did its encounter with the cat make it calm down? Why isn't it killing her? Does it only attack beings that attack it? But Brett didn't attack it either, he was just looking for the cat. WHY ISN'T IT ATTACKING HER?!! *Throws pillow on the ground.*

30) "You are my lucky star. You... Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky." You got me singing Madonna, that kinda ruins the suspense towards the end.

+1) That is clearly a man in an alien costume. 

Now... it's been a couple of hours and I'm still thinking about it. You might ask me why I watched it if I am so bent on hating it. I wasn't, actually, I just simply never got interested enough to watch it. I met more and more people who loved this movie and there were more arguments for it, than against it, I just didn't get around to it. I will have a class where we will talk about it and I did not want to miss it. Yes, I could have sat there still, nobody forced me to watch it, of course, but I knew in advance that I would be glad that I did. And there were some culturally funny moments, like smoking in a confined space in actual space is no problem. Their attire is simple, and... believable. That's the real scary part, that everything in the story is believable. The way the alien works doesn't have to be explained and everything else kinda says 'hey, maybe the future will be like this, who knows?', and that is what you fall for. You start to believe this is the future and it actually might be one day. And that is some scary stuff...

The set was incredible. CGI can only go so far... it amazes me that movies like this were made in the 70s. Of course, Star Wars has to be mentioned here too. And my brother kind of gave a director's commentary to it that made it all that more magical to me. I am not a fan of spaceships with tight air vents... I am a Trekkie at best, wide spaces, spaceships that are practically cars rather than small ships that bring about claustrophobia. For example, I can't watch Gravity (2013), the trailer alone made me want to suffocate. It's a problem indeed. However, this movie did it for a different effect, to enhance the difference between us as the capabilities of this creature, to showcase how unprepared they are and it worked very well. (But I do feel sorry for Ben Kerritt for having to crawl in that space with that open flame in his face... mustn't have been fun!) Before ending this short review, I would like to take a minute and remember John Hurt, playing Kane, and Harry Dean Stanton, playing Brett, whom we lost this year. They were wonderful actors and will be remembered!

Watch it? Sure, you haven't yet? Please do and then come and complain to me about how it isn't creepy and I am a little chicken. There is no news there, though, I can assure you. This is a great movie that left me with a lot to think about and maybe just one or two instances with a wtf plus question mark in the end.

Until the next item on my list!

_ _ _ _ 

Dallas - Tom Skerritt

Ripley - Sigourney Weaver

Lambert - Veronica Cartwright

Brett - Harry Dean Stanton

Kane - John Hurt

Ash - Ian Holm

Parker - Yaphet Kotto

Alien - Bolaji Badejo

_ _ _ _

My favorite place on the whole planet is a comic book shop in Rome, Italy, where if you go down the stairs to the American comic books sections you will see Captain America's shield in the wall on the one side, and on the other you'll see above you the alien crawling out from the air vent. That has always been my favorite thing. It definitely added to my fear of this monster, nonetheless, the detail on that statue is something that is breathtaking up close. If you are ever in Rome, make sure you check it out!
Forbidden Planet, Via Pinerolo, 11-15, 00182.