I DO NOT LIKE TWILIGHT. Let me tell you why!

Dear reader, if you like Twilight, please do not, I am begging you, DO NOT read this entry! Why?

I do not like Twilight.

I will not write stupid things, I have very good reason for hating it and I will list these reasons. You, fan of Twilight, might be offended. And I don’t mean to offend you, no, I just want to let others know what I’ve come to disagree with. I do not wish to have hateful comments, because I don’t like to be offended either. So even if I love it, when readers find my blog, I don’t want to be mean to anybody, so keep that in mind if you want to continue reading. Especially because you reader, if you like Twilight, you do because you love one of the actors. And I really don’t want to talk about the actors (I will), but mainly this review is about the problems I’ve encountered watching them. But because of your love, trust me, you will be offended!

That said, no, I have never read the books. So why did I watch the movies? Somebody told me, that I can’t bitch about it, if I haven’t even seen it. So I watched all of them. So now I can bitch all I want!

If you don’t know what Twilight is about, then, first of all, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING THE PAST 5 YEARS??!!!! Second, here is a quick recap:

“It’s about a horny chick who wants to fuck a vampire!” from: Noah Antwiler ‘Spoony’ (to see review click here!)

Bella Swan is a 17 year old girl, who moves to the little town of Forks, to be with her dad, because her mom remarried and she can’t go on their big honeymoon trip, because she needs to stay in school. There she encounters a childhood friend, Jacob ’Jake’ Black, a youngster of indian decent. She also meets a strange boy by the name of Edward Cullen, who only hangs out with his brothers and sisters. Bella finds out that he is a vampire, while Jacob is a werewolf. She falls deeply in love with Edward, although she has feelings for Jacob as well, but realizes that the one for her is Edward. The two get married and have a daughter, but Bella almost dies of childbirth, when she is turned into a vampire as well. This was the end of movie 4 part 1. Not having read the books, I don’t know what the ending will be, however, we have more than enough ground to cover already, so let us get to it.

The first problem I need to raise, is the titles. After the movie, each movie title had the beginning of “The Twilight Saga”, I don’t get that. Were they worried, that people wouldn’t know that the ones starring the same people would be the sequels? Have you seen the books? Besides a couple of sentences in the back, nothing signals that this is the next book to the great phenomena, nope, you know by looking at it that these are the same. The same way you would guess from either the trailer or the poster. And ‘Saga’… really? Harry Potter isn’t a saga, do you think you are better than Harry Potter Twilight? You are not. Back to the Future isn’t a saga, Saw isn’t a saga, and that has so many sequels that you can’t even count them!

My second problem is the concept of the vampires. I mean, he sparkles… and you know what? Sparkle the fuck away, I don’t even care about that, but there are mainly three things I want, more likely I NEED in a vampire, and Twilight doesn’t have either of those:
    1, the teeth
    2, sleeping in a coffin
    3, sensitive to crosses and holy water /and holy ground/
I really don’t think I am asking for much. Am I? I don’t care about the jumping, the somewhat not vampiric speed running, or even the sparkling. You can add as many features as you like, but don’t shatter the general rules of a vampire!  I’ve heard rumors that the writer, Stephanie Meyer, has never heard about vampires when she began to write the book, which raises a question in me… uhm, Ms. Meyer? Yeah, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WANT TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT VAMPIRES IF YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THEM??!!
And fine, fine, you are right, these are mythical creatures, a fragment of our imagination, and you are right: I have no reason to trash her visions, if she likes it like this, go ahead. But this is one of the reasons why I don’t like it… And you know what? Fuck it! I will trash the goddamn sparkling! A vampire is supposed to DIE when they walk in the sun! I couldn’t care less if they sparkled in general, but please, what is it that can kill these vampires? The sun is a fail safe, in case you don’t have other resources to kill them! But in the third movie, it’s like, “let’s have a fight in the woods.” WOOD CAN KILL YOU! Why in the world are you people hanging out in the goddamn woods? I love those vampire movies, where everybody, including vampires, is walking around with sticks, so when they do encounter the bad guy, they can surely kill them. And all the three movies try to build up the fact that even if they are vampires, they are not animals. They don’t feed on humans, they keep to themselves, which is very cute, but than you have a fight scene where they kill other vampires WITH THEIR BARE HANDS!!! All this build up for nothing!

This brings me to something that makes me scratch my eyes out. The characters… the casting… I used to like Kristin Stewart. Everybody has commented on this before, unfortunately I have to too, because I am simply troubled, because I can’t tell what is wrong with her. She has no facial expressions whatsoever. Why? Who’s wonderful idea was it to glue her face into one position? She meets the love of her life, same face; she loses the love of her life, same face; she attempts suicide, same face; she gets married to her love, same face; her husband won’t have sex with her, same face; her baby is literally killing her from the inside, same face. Two times she shows some sort of emotion, when her dad tries to talk to her about safe sex and she gets embarrassed, and when she breaks her hand punching Jacob. That’s it. Why? What the hell happened? What did I miss in her life that made her lose the ability to move the muscles on her face? Or is this why they hired her? Which dumb director or producer's idea was it to tell her ‘you know, when you are like really bored during a class? Do that face, it’s an Oscar winner!’. I don’t get it. Further on with the casting, no, I do not like Robert Pattinson, but I don’t care about him (I have personal problems with this actor, it doesn’t particularly involve Twilight, so there is really no reason for me to tell you about it here), my problem is with Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Jackson Rathbone and Peter Faccinelli. I love all of them, great actors, but WHY DID YOU DYE THEIR HAIR THE OPPOSITE COLOR OF THEIR REAL HAIR? They look like they are wearing wigs. It looks dumb! Look at this picture I put together. Even with the white/dead-like make up, they would look so much nicer with their real hair, so why dye it? Because it’s in the book probably.

And, about that, the movies take the books and shits on it! Think about book number two: Edward is barely in it, why? Because it is about the story of Bella and Jacob, of how he falls in love with her and how she feels bad about having feelings for him, while she knows that she promised herself to Edward. BUT WHAT DID THE WRITERS DO? This is unbelievable, but they added, I am not kidding you, they ADDED visions of Edward, which Bella has, so the Pattinson fans would watch the second movie! HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT, but he IS! And fine, OK. What simply amazes me is that people see this guy (whom I find repulsive) and fall in love with him so much that they never criticize the movies! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH SHIT PEOPLE GAVE ME, BECAUSE HARRY POTTER ISN’T 100% LIKE THE BOOK? And I dared to like the movies?! AND THIS MOVIE GETS AWAY WITH IT? FUCK THAT! I started going around and telling people, that it isn’t like this in the book, just to piss them off! Because fuck you, if you want to ruin my night of watching an awesome movie, I’ll ruin yours too! For example, I am sure that in the books we get to know these characters, but not in the movies! Tell me one thing that you know about Bella and Edward! I dare you! Edward likes to play baseball and that’s it! We are supposed to believe that there is this unbreakable eternal love among these two when we know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about either of them! Edward wants to get married and Bella doesn’t want to grow old so she asks Edward to turn  her into a fucking vampire like 3000 times… AND the one single time Edward DOES want to turn her, she says no, because she wants to stay human on their honeymoon. Edward supposedly breaks Bella’s spine when they have sex, while in the movie she only whines that he won’t fuck her another time, because he is worried he will hurt her… TURN HER INTO A VAMPIRE! The whole 4th movie is them crying about him being terrified of hurting her, while she has been begging him to turn her into a vampire for the last 3 movies, WHY NOT DO IT? I am pretty sure that your magical penis can’t hurt her anymore if you turn her into a living corpse with superpowers! JUST DO IT! And this wonderful idea ends in her getting pregnant with a demon child that is feeding on her from the inside. Well done! I see no faults in this plan whatsoever!

But let us get back to books vs. movie adaptations: I go to the cinema to see the new Harry Potter, somebody tells me “You know, that’s not how it was in the book. The book is lot better.”, with a smirk on their face and a content smile, and I just say “OK then, go and read you fucking book and leave me alone!”. Some people don’t like to read, and that is fine. Movies cannot be 100% same to the book, firstly because movies are addressed to a wider audience, secondly it is simply impossible if they have either a 90 or a 120 minute time frame they need to fit into. But if people can bitch about every comic book based movie, if people get to judge every Harry movie, then please, do not let Twilight get away with it!

My biggest concern is how crazy girls got over this! You know "Team Jacob" and "Team Edward"? One actress, whom shall not be named, said on the Tonight Show that she is for Team Jacob, and the girls routing for Edward filled her Twitter page with so much shit and disgusting comments that she had to cancel her account. DO YOU THINK THAT IS NORMAL??!! First of all, girls of Team Edward, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY! If this actress happens to encounter Robert Pattinson (which is highly more likely than ANY OF YOU), she will NOT take him from you! You are already at least a million, shouldn't you be glad that she is not a threat, instead of pissing her off so fucking bad that she might want to get revenge on you? GOOD THINKING dumb teenage idiots!

Anyway, before watching the fourth movie, I listened to several famous movie reviewers to see what they thought of. I’ve encountered several different opinions.

“In the meantime you get a lot of Kristen Stewart staring moodly about to cool music as we await plot. (…) Twilight 4, Breaking Dawn part 1, you are riding the line. Stupid, beautiful? Which one is it?… Probably stupid.” from: Catherine Reitman of ‘Breakin’ It Down’ (check out her page here!)

“Ok, so in the third movie Bella is still this stone cold sociopath she was in the previous films. And it’s still a complete mystery as to why anyone in their right fucking mind would fight, to the death, over this person.” from: The Cinema Snob (to see review click here!)

“That is why I love these movies. They always leave you wanting more! More common sense, more logical reasoning.” from: Nostalgia Critic (click here to see review!)

“I finally figured out Edward’s acting pattern. Robert Pattinson, if you imagine this whole time his acting, he is trying to pass a kidney stone.” from: Noah Antwiler ‘Spoony’ (to see the next review click here!)

Along with the one from Noah Antwiler ‘Spoony’ up in the beginning of the entry, I’ve come to realize that nobody liked the fourth movie. Bella didn’t do shit, Jacob, who proved to be the better man, the more caring of all, gets the sack once again. He figures out how Bella can survive, he keeps hanging around even though she has to see his love with her husband! Edward too, he only cried around, feeling sorry about knocking Bella up, which, to be honest is always a possibility if you have unprotected sex! But mostly their one common thought was that even before, if the movies were stupid, they were still enjoyable. They had several laugh-out-loud moments, it was a bit goofy (e.g. in the first movie the high school kids tell Bella that the Cullens disappear every time the sun comes out… get a fucking clue kids! Or when Edward just appeared in the air while Bella was attempting suicide? “Bella this is really messing up your hair.” from: Spoony), but this last movie dared to touch arguments of immense weight, like teenage wedding and pregnancy, abortion, and pretends, yes PRETENDS to really deal with the issue, while it simply just laughs into its face. Probably they wanted to warn young kids, I mean those fans who watch these movies, but really, they don’t care, and the lesson that you get from the movie is: if your mother instinct kicks in, fuck everybody, have the baby, even if it means that you’ll probably die because of it. That’s a great lesson. The average girls from 13 to 17 years old really needed to hear that, as if we hadn’t had already enough contestants on 16 and Pregnant. Another problem Doug Walker ‘Nostalgia Critic’ pointed out is that Edward seems to be against this pregnancy all along, and he found it offensive that this guy is supposed to be the person who rapresents men. This is not how everybody reacts and it is disgusting that this story line portrays to young girls that the news of a pregnancy would bring the pro-abortion version of your boyfriend out. And Jacob… for God’s sake this boy gave up everything for this dumb bitch and what does Edward do? He stares quietly. That’s fucking wonderful. Jacob almost dies for Bella, he leaves his family, his herd, he breaks the law for her and yeah, she still chooses Edward, after saying “I have a friendship with you nobody will understand.” IN FRONT OF EDWARD!

“I kinda lied before, you know what? I sad that Stephanie Meyer didn’t understand men, women, anything… for a mormon she actually gets gay men pretty well. And that surprised me. (…) And by gays I mean werewolves. This is the most paper thin allegory for gayness I have seen since X-Men.” from: Noah Antwiler 'Spoony'

This referring to the fact, that there is a conversation where Bella asks Jacob if he can, quote “Stop” being a werewolf, where he replies, that it is not a choice … uhm, OK. Also, I don’t mind that he is shirtless, because if I had a body like that, I would be shirtless all the time too. That still doesn’t justify the half naked tickle fights he has with his wolf friends… that’s just off.
So yeah, I don’t really care about neither boy when fundamentally my problem is that I don’t care about Bella.

“Think about her friends and her mother, whose lives would be devastated if her suicidal thrill-seeking ended her life. Does she care? No, because she can’t see beyond her own needs, acting for months like a petulant child denied her favorite toy. When it becomes clear that becoming a vampire would call off the truce between the Cullens and the werewolves, does Bella care that her incessant demands to become a vampire would therefore put the Cullens (who she claims to care about) in constant, mortal danger? No. Does she care that people are dying, being torn apart by wolves, sucked dry by vengeful vampires, all because she doesn’t have the good sense to get away from undead monsters? No. Does she care that her dad, who dotes on her constantly (only God knows why) has to clean up after these bodies? No. Does she even spare a moment to consider Edward’s feelings against turning her into a monster like him? No.” from: Noah Antwiler 'Spoony'

In conclusion, there is only one character who I like and based on every review that I've heard and seen, he is the only one others like too: mustache dad (fine, fine his name is Charlie, but still, you knew who I was talking about right away, didn't you?). This poor guy, about whom Bella didn't give a shit for over 10 years, has to raise her now. In the first movie, she almost gets hit by a car and is bitten by a vampire. In the second one she runs in the woods until she literally almost drops dead from exhaustion, the vampire lady is still out to kill her, she wakes up in the night screaming out of pain and her dad has to calm her, I mean this poor dude never gets any sleep! Then she breaks her hand on Jacob's face, to which his reaction is priceless! He just rolls his eyes, like "Well, this was bound to happen sooner or later..."; she keeps coming home with cuts and bruises and it really doesn't matter that he grounds her, because her boyfriends keep jumping in through the window anyway! This guy obviously knows that Edward is trouble, and let's be honest, being with him IS trouble, and tries to warn her, keep her from him and she doesn't give a shit! Hell, she even marries this dude, and you can see the father just giving up over the wedding invitation, I mean if you are this stupid then go to hell! And yet, this poor soul keeps worrying about her all through the movie, no wonder, she says "I'm feeling better, so I'm going to a hospital in Switzerland." WHAT?! ... But my favorite moment is in the third movie, where the father reads about a serial killer on the loose and that's when he decided to un-ground Bella, yeah, let the girl go out while there is imminent danger outside! I think he secretly does want to get her killed!

Anyway, this is why I don't like Twilight. I can understand if you like one of the boys (although, not really), but please don't ever come to me explaining why Bella is such a wonderful character, because I don't care. I really don't. Leave me alone Twilight, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

There was a rumor that Robert Pattinson won't be in the 5th movie, don't worry, he will be (unfortunately). That is a pay check he won't refuse, actually, I believe that he only said it to get a more money, think about Harry Potter, did they recast? No. Losing Pattinson fans would be to great a loss for the last movie. Think rationally and you'll see, he'll be in it. They sad he was too old to play a 17 year old... he is 25. His face hasn't changed one bit in the past 3 years. Don't kid yourself!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Imdb Link:

New Moon

Eclipse

Breaking Dawn (p1)

Breaking Dawn (p2)

Cast:

Edward - Robert Pattinson

Bella - Kristen Stewart

Jacob - Taylor Lautner

Charlie - Billy Burke

Rosalie - Nikki Reed

Emmett - Kellan Lutz

Alice - Ashley Greene

Jasper - Jackson Rathbone

Carlisle - Peter Facinelli

Esme - Elizabeth Reaser

Renee - Sarah Clarke

OLD vs. NEW: The Last Kiss

Yeah, this is a tough one. Being two movies of different nationality, the resemblance between the two is huge. But, there is still some difference to be considered, and that is what we are here to discuss, so let us dig into:

(2001) The Last Kiss (2006)

Carlo/Michael has been in a three year long relationship with his girlfriend Giulia/Jenna. But when Giulia/Jenna remains pregnant, the two decide to tell their parents the good news. Unfortunately, this big news brings out the mid-life crisis of both Carlo/Michael and Giulia/Jenna’s mother Anna. But the two are not the only one who have problems. Carlo/Michael has three best friends, out of whom only one has a real story arc, either way: Paolo/Izzy’s father dies while he is grieving over the loss of his girlfriend and he decides to leave the country for good; Alberto/Kenny is a player, who faces the problem of having to settle down, so he decides to leave as well; and we have Adriano/Chris who’s in an unhappy marriage ever since his son was born.

Things escalate when at the wedding of their friend, Marco/Mark, Carlo/Michael meets a young girl, Francesca/Kim. She turns his world around, making him forget that he has a girlfriend, a job, responsabilities and so on. He spends the night out with her, asking Adriano/Chris to cover for him with Giulia/Jenna, but Paolo/Izzy’s father dies, and they all come together, except for Carlo/Michael, who is out with her and has turned off his cellphone. Giulia/Jenna gets suspicious and finds out that he is on a date. When he gets home she tells him to get the hell out of their life, and he, pissed as he is goes back to Francesca/Kim and spends the night with her.

Meanwhile we find out that Giulia/Jenna’s mother had had an affair for quite some time and that she is awfully unhappy with her marriage. She leaves her husband, tries to renew her relationship with her ex but her husband comes forward telling her that he is nothing without her and he can’t live without her, even if he understands that he hasn’t been the best husband. She moves back, but Giulia/Jenna feels a bit betrayed by her mother’s past, claiming that she won’t end up like her.

Carlo/Michael can’t go on living his life, he realizes that it was his stupid fear of becoming stuck in a life that lead him to this awful mistake, while he really does want that life (!) and decides to get back Giulia/Jenna no matter what, except the young Francesca/Kim shows up on his doorstep. She can’t understand why he won’t be with her, she loves him, doesn’t he love her? And as painful as that is, he has to admit to her that he used her, and he needs to get back to reality. He leaves her behind and gets Giulia/Jenna back.

You might have noticed that I didn’t finish off everybody’s story, mostly because the biggest difference between the two movies is how each story arc got concluded, so let us dive into them 1 after the other!

First of all, I always preferred the American version, but now, writing here I’ve come to realize that there are only a few points I can give to the American, in contrast with the original, and these are:

In the American Anna, Jenna’s mom’s scene are limited. We understand her pain, we understand her insecurities, and that is all you need really. While in the Italian she has a whole story of her own, of going out to parties, moving in with a girlfriend, completely and utterly leaving her husband and then going back to him because she has no other place to go. Her husband, besides obviously loving her, doesn’t really come through for her. And when you are really curious about the main characters, you just don’t care abour the mom! So the limitation on her story were an upside.

Second, is the contrast between Francesca and Kim. Her role was to make Carlo and Michael feel young again, but Francesca was a lot younger. She was just over 18 and fell in love the first time, because at that age sex has a deeper meaning for girls. While Kim was already in college. To be honest, this is a really hard one, because Francesca does sell the ’I fell in love with you after one night’ better than Kim does, but if we think about a time when one is foolish and really alive, you think of the college years, when you live in a dorm, there is a party somewhere every night and you have no parents to watch over you. So I do choose Kim over Francesca, but only for the one reason, and that is not the love motif, but the young and careless motif of the movie.

Third is the contrast between Alberto and Kenny, the player. My biggest problem is that Alberto was a tall skinny-skinny guy with rasta hair, and he was somewhat disgusting, therefore the ’guy-who-bangs-everybody’ wasn’t really believable to me. While in the American Kenny was a bit muscular guy with wide shoulders and long blonde hair, who resembled a knight in shining armor instead of a hobo who didn’t get the chance to wash his hair lately... So yeah, as far as being believable, the American wins.

Fourth is the contrast between Adriano and Chris. He is in an unhappy marriage as I mentioned before, his little boy never stops crying and things around his marriage start to crumble. When Paolo/Izzy suggests that they get out of the country, for good, he immeadiately decides to go with them, but in the American version he changes his mind at the last moment. He goes home, tells his wife that it is over between them, but he isn’t going to leave his son. And I always preferred that, I find the idea of being able to leave my child, my own flesh and blood behind me to be absurd! Also understand the urge for Paolo/Izzy and Alberto/Kenny to want to have an adventure before their life really starts, before they actually find that person with whom they commit to a life, but Adriano/Chris has already found that person and has already began that life... why run? Also, as far as casting goes, I've never seen Casey Affleck do anything on screen... He usually plays the same characters, probably because that is the only one he can play, but there was a bit of rage missing from him, however, in his one scene where he yells with Jenna, his character really comes out. I only wished he would've had more scenes like that!

What makes the Italian version better? Everything else.

The biggest difference is that Carlo is also a narrator. We hear his thoughts, his problems, he sometimes hears his friends who appear around him. It is almost like reading a book, but it pays attention to not letting Carlo off as a derranged maniac, but simply someone who thinks about his actions before doing them.

But getting back, I love the casting of the American, but I also find that I could connect more with the Italian. When Giulia finally reaches Carlo, the night he was out with Francesca, Carlo gets into an accident, almost getting hit by another car, and in the end crushing into one. In the American, Michael barely drives at 1mile/hour and hits the slimmest tree you have ever seen in your life! Carlo’s car almost doesn’t restart, while Michael’s doesn’t even have a scratch on it... that was a bit dumb. However, my favorite scene above everything else is when Carlo gets home and Giulia confronts him /To see this scene with English subtitles click here! Or scroll to the bottom of the page!/. She beats the shit out of him and tells him to leave her. He says that one kiss after three years is not a big deal, which only enrages her even more. Carlo tries to calm her, seeing that she is after all pregnant, and stress is no good for her. Now comes one of the most frightening of all sentences, he says :

“- We are having a baby.

- No, I am having this baby!”

And goose bumps get you all over, it’s so powerful. You never really think about it that way, do you? You figure that it takes two to have a baby and you only think about how hormonal a woman actually gets during pregnancy, you don’t think about the fact that it is really her having a baby. She’s the one who has to go through it, who’s body is changing, all of it… and she will kick you out in the beginning if she wishes to. Here she gets a knife and almost stabs him, where he gives up and tells her that it is her loss and goes off to see Francesca. The next morning he tries to get her back, emphasizing again that they are having a baby after all, to which she says that she might not keep it. And here is what made the biggest difference for me: the italians yell like shit. I am telling you, nobody yells like the italians, it is what makes this movie worth watching, those 4, maybe 5 arguments they have. You really feel the pain, their nerves exploding, the Italian language is the only one where swear words are actually needed for a good conversation, while sometimes in the American you feel as if “yeah, I think that’s enough f*cks for 1 sentence!”. Also, abortion? Dear God, that’s a hard subject in America still, but in Italy? I don’t think so… And Carlo gets so pissed off, he yells his lung off, telling her not to even think about something so foolish! Giulia/Jenna tells him that she can do whatever she wants, they are free, no ring to seal them together, just like he wanted. While Michael only hits the door once and then gives up.

The second most powerful scene is their second fight. Giulia/Jenna moves back in with her parents, and Carlo/Michael goes to see her. Let me tell you about the American first: he goes to see her, tells her that he was scared and stupid and reveals that he slept with Kim after all. Jenna leaves him there and goes back to their house, while Michael decides to sit out on the porch until she talks to him. He stays there for several days, through rain and bad weather and in the end she opens the door for him and that’s where the movie ends. It is cute, but you don’t really get an answer, you hope they will stay together but you are not that sure. While, in the Italian, Carlo never confesses to her about sleeping with Francesca… I am all for honesty, but in this case it wouldn’t have solved anything, he would’ve only hurt her and he realizes that, so he keeps it to himself. “If I were a bit stronger, our story would finish here.” She tells him still enraged. /To see this scene with English subtitles, click here! Or scroll to the bottom of the page!/

“- Why did you do something so awful to me, why?

- Because I was afraid of something so enormous.

- Enough! I don’t want to hear you anymore.

- Then let’s stop talking and get back together, you’ll see it’ll be worth it.

- NO!

- We still have so much to do together. I love you. Love you, love you. We always said we were meant to be together.

- We were wrong.

- We were not wrong.

- I was wrong.

- Give me another chance, you’ll see I’ll grow up my love, I’ll grow up.

- And how? How the hell do you suppose you’ll grow up?

- If you still want it, we can get married. The time to sign the documents and we’ll be married. I am honest, I’m not just saying for sake of conversation. Think of our daughter. We’ll be able to start all over, as long as we want to. We’ll get married and we’ll be happy. You’ll see my love.

- Why can’t I hate you, WHY?!

- We are meant to be together.”

And that really gets to you, I mean when you really love someone, you don’t let them go. You literally do anything to get them back, and the movie has this beautiful ending, where Carlo realizes that he had nothing to be afraid of. He loves his little daughter, she is everything to him, he is ready to be a grown up! They do get married. But what makes this scene even better is Giovanna Mezzogiorno, Giulia, she is the best you can get when it comes to Italian actresses. She takes you with her; she is the only reason why you need, NEED to see this movie! She has the ability to transport you into her mind, even if Carlo is the narrator she has a magic of her own. /I've found Jacinda Barrett to be a fantastic actress for this movie, and maybe it was simply the writing, or the very scene I just wrote down for you, but I still feel that the italian version gave me more/. During the last scene she cries, and during this dialogue you can hear in her voice that she is about to give in, that she wants to be loved by this idiot, that she needs him in her life, and no matter what she will forgive him, even if it might break her heart in two. And in many occasions that’s how love works, we even give ourselves up sometimes have those couple of seconds every day when you know that somebody out there loves you.

/Even if only with subtitles, try to check out some of Giovanna Mezzogiorno’s movies, she does miracles on the screen, trust me on that!/

Then let me tell you that the music is wonderful. The American has a couple of good songs from Coldplay and SnowPatrol, but the score of the original simply gets under your skin, it has a power of its own! It is a mature score really. /To hear the main song by Paolo Buonvino click here!/. The point of this movie is to show us all the faces of love, leaving out the most obvious one: the happy one (which would be Marco/Mark’s but we don’t really deal with him after his wedding). However, as horrible as these stories are, there is some reality to them, which is exactly what, makes them so horrible. You don’t want to know that the love of your life doesn’t love you anymore; you don’t need to know that the father of your child cheated on you or that the guy you like sleeps with everything that has a vagina!

And to finish off, the only thing that I disagree with is the very last frame of the original:

Giulia goes running every night, she wants to lose all the weight she gained during her pregnancy, worried that Carlo won’t like her anymore (this issue is addressed in the beginning). We see her running, crossing a guy… who then runs after her and she smiles at him… Now, reading it this gives you two options in your mind: 1, she is happy that she’s still attractive; 2, she will make Carlo pay her own way. The second one is the one with which I always associated the ending with, and I’ve always come to find that a bit f*cked up! I am not sure if this was just a critique that that is how things work now, you either get in on it or get lost. Or simply a discrete way of signaling that if you marry an Italian, your chances of not being cheated on are really low… either way, it is not a pretty picture! And I said, the American doesn’t go there, so maybe it does only refer to the Italians? Who knows.

I do suggest you check out both movies, but do not watch them one after the other, wait a couple of days, and trust me, it’ll be worth it!

Until the next item on my list!

The argument: /Giulia finds out that Carlo was out with another girl and confronts him./

The end: /Carlo goes to see Giulia at her parents' house and begs for her forgiveness./

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _

(2001)

Carlo - Stefano Accorsi

Giulia - Giovanna Mezzogiorno

Francesca - Martina Stella

Anna - Stefania Sandrelli

Adriano - Giorgio Pasotti

Paolo - Claudio Santamaria

Alberto - Marco Cocci

Marco - Pierfranceso Favino

(2006)

Michael - Zach Braff

Jenna - Jacinda Barrett

Kim - Rachel Bilson

Anna - Blythe Danner

Chris - Casey Affleck

Izzy - Michael Weston

Kenny - Eric Christian Olsen

Mark - David Haydyn-Jones

OLD vs. NEW: Footloose

Let us now look at a remake and the movie from which it originates:

(1984) Footloose (2011)

Ren McCormack moves to a southern town by the name of Bomont with his mom. Unfortunately tragedy struck in this town a couple of years ago, and five teenagers where killed in car accident while heading home from a party. In order to avoid future incidents, the town council has banned loud music and public dancing without parental supervision. Here, he makes friends with a guy called Willard and another called Woody and starts to fall for a girl who has trouble written all over her: Ariel Moore, the daughter of the town's Reverend. Unfortunately Ariel is already taken by a first class category a-hole by the name of Chuck.

No matter what, Ren always runs into trouble. Chuck's friend wants to sell him weed and he gets caught, he has to work to help out at home, Ariel is beaten by Chuck and he is blamed for it, he listens loudly to music and gets a police notice and so on. However he is the good guy and tries to battle the council to allow the senior class at Bomont High to have a senior prom, they don't succeed, however his boss lends them the warehouse well he works, which is just outside Bomont so the law doesn't apply there. They danced all night.

What makes the 2011 version different?

Events occur in real time, we are in 2011. First of all we open with kids dancing at a party and then dying in an accident, therefore the weight of such a tragedy is pushed upon the viewers from the very beginning. We also get to see when the new laws have effect.
Ren here has to move to Bomont because his mother died of cancer, and his only relatives live here.
In the original version, because it is played in the 80's, the Reverend has an actual fight with his instincts, being a father and being a role model for the citizens. He is asked to judge books that supposedly came from Satan; he has an influential post in the city council, and one of the teenagers killed in that accident was his son, so he is overprotective of Ariel. At a certain point in the movie his wife stands up against him, seeing that he can't understand the bigger picture, being stuck in the past. While in the new version, the conflict is only around him being a father, his character never really develops from one point to the other. In the original he is worried, but understands what is best for his daughter, in the remake he never really seems to come around. It gives you the feeling that they cast Dennis Quaid to bring in fans, but never really wanted him to have any lines... And with that, his wife also has an arc, where at first she stands behind her husband but understands, that he needs a wake up call. In the remake, the dear Andy McDowell* doesn't do anything and at the last minute she stands up to him, for no reason at all. It only gives you the feeling that she wanted to piss him off!

Also, my favorite point, is that from 95' and so on, it became somewhat obligatory that there needs to be somebody of black color in the cast (of every movie and every TV series), therefore here we have Ren's friend, Woody, an african-american football player who, guess what? Only dances hip-hop. Because a dance movie can't go without that stupid R&B, can it? Either way, at least they didn't push it down our throats, like every other dance movie.
And in this one Ariel is a real rebel. You never question why she hangs out with Chuck, why she keeps getting herself into danger, probably because in the beginning we could see what damage the death of her brother caused in her.

*Andy McDowell, DO SOMETHING!! You are more than a L'Oreal commercial!

What did work for me?

First off all, in the second version, because of his mother's death, fro Ren this drive to finally accomplish something, to feel a bit of victory is more understandable. Also, he has a relationship with his uncle, who defends him even when all the accusations point toward him. There is also a scene, where Ren is pissed off and goes to the warehouse and dances off his anger, here I've found his reason for being pissed closer to my understanding, also in the original Ariel just shows up at the warehouse, which was odd... while in the remake we are given hints that she is likely to follow him, because she sees him rushing off upset.
And I liked the actors in this a lot more (although, LOL young Sarah Jessica Parker :P). There are no words to define how much I love Kevin Bacon, but no matter how young he was, in the first version you don't feel like any of these people are really in high school, while in the remake you do feel the parents' responsibility to defend these kids, because they are kids! I was also glad that for Ariel's part they have cast a girl who is actually a dancer (and turned out to be an awesome actress as well!), so she actually does DO something in the movie. And I enjoyed that they reused some of the songs that are typically known from this movie! (For example: Bonnie Tyler - I Need a Hero; Deniece Williams - Lets Hear It for the Boy) And as horrible as that may sound, when Chuck hits Ariel, she really pisses him off, while in the original he hits her twice, once for no apparent reason. I'm not saying that being mad justifies his action, not at all, but if I were in his shoes, that would've probably been a normal reaction to Ariel's actions.

What didn't work?

Mostly, besides the story arc of Reverend Moore and his wife, the biggest problem for me was the music. It didn't fit. For example the warehouse dance? (to see the scene from the movie, scroll down!) When you watch the original, you have goose bumps all over your skin, you are taken by the music, but in the remake, I basically just yawned. There is something magical for me in almost every song from the 80's, but there are still some excellent songs that would've fit in there! (Except the one they used...). And if you consider that this is a dance movie, then there really should've put more effort into choosing the songs.
And on a final note, nothing more was really added to the script. The dialogue is the same, the pictures, images, colors. They took out character development and added like a 100 layers of pain and sadness, which would've worked if the character development wouldn't have been removed.

So, what was the point of the remake? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Do check out the warehouse scene, it makes the movie worth watching!

A very wise reviewer, by the name of Spoony said in one of his reviews that he prefers re-releases to the cinema instead of remakes. And I completely agree with him. It is really a waste of money if you think about it. I understand that many youngsters won't pay money to see and old movie (while trust me, many would!), but if your intention is to make the same damn movie with different actors, than make the same damn movie! Do not add or take anything away from it! It might be very hard to explain a story that really makes no sense in today's society the way it did 30 some years ago, but hey, give it a try! However, if you want to make a different movie with similarities, couple of changes here and there, then don't, please don't use the same goddamn dialogue as the first one! BE CREATIVE FOR GOD'S SAKES!!
Otherwise pay those couple of dollars for the rights, re-release it to the cinema (like they are doing now with every movie, but in very cheap and lame 3D), and cash in all you get. Fans will surely watch it, and perhaps some, who rather go to the theatre than rent a DVD might go as well. Couldn't hurt to try!

Until the next item on my list!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Cast (1984)

Ren - Kevin Bacon

Ariel - Lori Singer

Reverend Shaw Moore - John Lithgow

Vi Moore - Dianne Wiest

Willard Hewitt -  Chris Penn

Rusty - Sarah Jessica Parker

Chuck - Jim Youngs

Woody - John Laughlin

(2011)

Ren - Kenny Wormald

Ariel - Julianne Hough

Reverend Shaw Moore - Dennis Quaid

Vi Moore - Andy McDowell

Willard Hewitt - Miles Teller

Rusty - Ziah Colon

Chuck - Patrick John Flueger

Woody - Ser'Darius Blane

Cooking With CsorEsz: Banán Bomba

Hozzávalók:
- 2 banán
- 1 maroknyi dió
- 1 evőkanál cukrozott kakaópor
- tej/laktózmentes tej


A két banánt, kakaoport és sok tejet tegyünk egy turmixgépbe. A sok tej azért fog kelleni, mert kellemesebb ha kicsit folyósabb lesz a turmixunk. De ha valaki sűrűn szereti, akkor kevesebb tejjel. Turmixoljuk le, majd tálaljuk és keverjük el benne a maroknyi diót /lehet sima vagy kesudió is, amit jobban kívánunk/. A végeredmény a reggeli müzlitálra fog emlékeztetni, de ha esetleg valakinek nem megfelelőek a gabona termékek, vagy nem ehet kukorica alapú dolgokat, akkor ez tökéletesen helyettesíti. Legyen az reggeli vagy vacsora. Laktató és eloltja az éhséget.


Jó étvágyat kívánok hozzá! :)

Cooking With CsorEsz: Paleolit Répatorta

Hozzávalók:
- 30 dkg őrölt mandula
- 30 dkg reszelt sárgarépa
- 1 zacskó sütőpor 
- 5-6 evőkanál xylit /vagy sütéshez alkalmas cukormentes 'cukor'/
- 1 citrom/naracs reszelt héja (ez elhagyható)
- 5 dkg olvasztott vaj
- 3 tojás sárgája


Mindent az adott sorrendben keverjünk össze, majd adjuk hozzá a vajat és a tojást. A 3 tojásnak a fehérjét pedig habbá verjuk fel és a már összekevert torta alaphoz lassan adagoljuk hozzá. Kivajazott tortaformában 180°-on 35-40 percig sütjük. /Vagy ameddig a közepe keményebb lesz kívülről/.


Jó étvágyat kívánok hozzá! :)

What's Next On My List? C'é Chi Dice NO

Un film contro il sistema dei 'favoriti' in Italia

Il prossimo film della quale vi vorrei parlare tratta un tema che mi stá molto a cuore. Il film é uscito nel 2011, diretto da Giambattista Avellino é scritto da Fabio Bonifacci, é il titolo é:

C'é Chi Dice No

La storia si concentra su Max (giornaliere), Samuele (docente di legge all'universitá) ed Irma (dotoressa) chi, dopo 15 anni si riincontrano ad una cena di classe del liceo. Tutti e tre sono incavolati con la vita, perché non anno ricevuto il merito giusto per il loro lavoro fatto, invece i loro capi hanno assegnato le loro promozioni a figli, familiari a mogli. Giustamente il modo in cui trattano la gente non é tanto carina... Il fatto é che si, questo succede in Italia, ma sinceramente succede da per tutto! Fa schifo. Ci sono casi nelle quali posso pure capire, ma quando, ad esempio il carattere di Irma fa il medico, danno il lavoro a qualcuno della famiglia, non tengono conto del fatto di chi sia piú adatto a quel lavoro. (Nel film peró, la persona che ha preso il posto di Irma é una brava medica, ma questo é solo un caso, poteva pure essere un'incapace!)

A questo punto i tre si mettono d'accordo nel distruggere la persona che gli ha fatti miserabili, ma per non rimanere sospettati e per avere un alibi fisso, si scambiano avversari. Il problema nasce quando Max, per assicurarsi un'alibi comincia a frequentare la sua nemica che, perché si sente male per avergli preso la promozione, parla di lui al padre che fa in modo che lui abbi un'altro tipo di promozione. Ovviamente dopo settimane di combattere per giustizia Irma e Samuele is incavolano con Max. Non capiscono come puó fare la stessa cosa che loro combattono. Sinceramente, anche se capisco perché sono arrabbiati, se guardi il film, non ti pare che Max sia cattivo, oppure che abbia fatto di tutto o in questo caso qualcosa perché sia raccomandato. Tutto succede troppo in fretta, e quando finalmente ti riconoscono, quando ti dicono che 'Sei bravo!' , non te ne frega piú niente di nessuno, giustamente.

Nel film due poliziotti scoprono che i tre si conoscono e avvertono Max, che se non la smettono vanno in galera tutti. Max per paura vuole rinunciare all'ultimo colpo, mostrare un video dove due docenti dell'universitá discutono di come hanno cambiato i punteggi di studi per dare credito a persone che non se lo meritavano, ma gli altri due dicono che non conta. Perché basta con i figli di papá che ricevono soldi per niente, basta con docenti che mettono la loro vita davanti a tutto e tutti non siano ringraziati per i loro lavori e le loro ricerche! Infine capiscono che qualche anno in galera non conta, sanno benissimo che hanno violato la legge, sanno benissimo che non ogni loro mossa era giusta nel senso della morale, ma c'é gente che c'é la peggio di loro. C'é chi perde il lavoro. E allora che si fá? Cominciano a circolare il video ed Enza, la ragazza che aveva preso il lavoro di Max, scrive un libro su loro 'Pirati Del Merito'.

Mi ricordo una volta parlavo con un'amica e gli ho detto che vorrei lavorare alla radio, e mi ha detto che questo funziona solo se giá conosco qualcuno che lavora lí... stupendo, non é vero? Questo mondo fá schifo. C'é chi sputa fuori i loro polmoni per ricevere la minima forma di accetto oppure di merito o riconoscenza delle proprie capacitá, ed allora arriva qualcuno che non centra un cazzo, possibilmente il figlio di un papá che se ne fotteva di fare il suo lavoro da padre, e per mostrare qualche forma di affetto assegna loro un lavoro che, in tanti casi, nemmeno vogliono, sicuramente non meritano e che non gli si addice per niente. Ho due migliore amiche, una sta ancora studiando, ma anche con il diploma non riuscirá a situarsi, te lo dico adesso, e un'altra che da un anno cerca lavoro, ma niente speranza perché in un'economia dove tutti perdono lavoro, i familiari vengono schiacciati in posti qualsiasi per avere 300€ a settimana! Cosa devono fare gli altri? Favori vengono chiesti, lavori non pagati, eccetera, a me lo hanno detto che in Italia, il diploma non serve a un'cazzo! E per forza! Ma mica solo in Italia! Questo é un sistema schifoso nella quale viviamo. Io ancora non sono un nessuno, potrei pure essere se usassi solo un nome dall'agenda di mio padre, ma non lo faccio perché voglio trovare quella persona, anche se é solo una, alla quale piacciano i miei lavori, e quando la troveró sapró finalmente che c'é chi dice si. Nel frattempo, al sistema diciamo VAFFANCULO!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Max - Luca Argentero

Samuele - Paolo Ruffini

Irma - Paola Cortellesi

Enza - Myriam Catania

What's next on my list? Real Steel

Well, since I have no money to go to the theatre (trust me, the economic situation is not getting any better any time soon!), we shall go through a couple of recent DVD and/or Blu-Ray releases of the last couple of months. Next up is Real Steel.

This movie might not be the best work of Hugh Jackman, but I need to give credit for the story. Why? Let’s dig in, shall we?

The story is set in the near future where boxers have been substituted by robots. Charlie Kenton, an ex-boxer who, to make any kind of living has been boxing with his robots, finds himself in a bit of an economic crisis. He owes everybody money, and he keeps loosing his fights. One morning the news comes that his ex-girlfriend has passed away, leaving him an 11 year old boy, Max. Charlie has no intention of becoming a father, but seeing that Max’s aunt’s boyfriend Marvin is quite rich, he negotiates the paternity rights of Max for some cash. The deal in the end is the following: Charlie gets the money if he looks over Max for the summer. Charlie of course tries to leave him behind with an old friend, Bailey, but Max won’t hear about it. They get a new robot and try to earn some cash. Charlie’s new robot is destroyed immeadiately, while Max finds an old working robot in a junkyard. He cleans him up, gets to know him and the three start to take part in new fights, earning more and more money. They are called up to the big league where Atom, the robot, challenges the world champion Zeus. Charlie trains the robot and he and Max get close. In the end they can’t defeat Zeus, because at the end of the rounds the ’bad guys’ pay the judges whom conclude that Zeus is still undefeated while Atom becomes the people’s champion.

What is good about the story? 
The movie, thankfully avoids the obvious clichés, such as “The boy finds out his father was payed, so he hates him just to forgive him before the end of the movie.” In this movie Max knew all along that Charlie was paid and he couldn’t care less. He is in it for the adventure. The second is that unlike every movie that is about the “not father material” becoming a good father, this really puts to perspective that Charlie is not a good guy. He lives in his trailer, he takes part in illegal fights, he has never been a father! He acknowledges that Max being with his aunt is the best for him. Of course they bond and they become friends, but that won’t make him a good father! Boxing is the thing they have in common. Every fight they have will be together, but Max still needs an actual bed and school, which his aunt provides. The third point is that I like the story. I find boxing to be the most stupid sport ever invented. People bashing their heads in for entertainment? It’s pure idiocracy. All your brain cells get splattered, what’s the point? On the other hand, if the purpose of this sport is to entertain people, then doing with robots is the sensible thing! It’s just chunks of metals bashing electric circuits. Of course, after a while we would probably get attached to them, the same way we do with puppies or our phones, but still, we wouldn’t associate them with feelings.
Unlike a tree a chunk of metal doesn’t have feelings and never will. Also this isn’t like I, Robot where we insist that robots need feelings and such. The whole idea is approached as if we were playing with a video game with remotes only, instead of using a 3D screen, all of it is actually perceptible. I find it wonderful! And one might argue that that would send boxers into retirement. But in the movie Charlie is an old boxer as well, and guess what, he is coaching now. And I am not saying that you still can’t work out with a punching back every once in a while, I just don’t see the point in hitting someone continuously!

What didn’t work?
Unfortunately the movie lays down some pretty big plot holes that are never answered. We are given hints that the inventor of the robot Zeus are in some pretty deep shit and are paying off robots to lose fights... or something, that is the conclusion I came to, it wasn’t really explained. Also they are never brought to justice. Back in the old days every movie had a competition at the end in which you knew the protagonist had to win in order for the story arc to be complete (think of The Karate Kid or Over the Top and so on). Then this took a turn in the 21st century movies and it didn’t become about winning but getting the respect (which is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me), they thought they could keep us worried if we weren’t sure again if whether or not the main character would win, but to me it just makes it boring, because we know he/she WON'T! So again, we don’t win, the disgustingness of the athletes life painted with dirty money is never brought to life and to end with it, Atom never gets the credit he actually deserves.

Second point is that Max finds this robot that, besides not being in fashion anymore, has nothing wrong with it. And it was never quite clear why would someone throw out a perfectly good robot! They bring him back to Bailey, who is a sort of robot mechanic, who says that there is nothing wrong with it. Perfect, still, why was it thrown out? Also it has a ‘shadow’ function, meaning that it can copy whatever its owner does, and that looks like a pretty awesome feature! Yet, the why and where this robot came from are never addressed! Thirdly Bailey is the love interest, however we are never really clear on why she and Charlie aren’t together, nor why should they now be together. And speaking of, she is supposed to be this awesome mechanic, but she just keeps bitching about what she cannot do with the parts Charlie brings her instead of actually doing something. She is basically a reminder of Charlie’s past as a boxer, and an eye that knows him better than anything, but in the end it doesn’t serve as useful information. Of course she bonds with Max and tells him stories but still, her character was not needed at all.

Lastly, the dialogue is, well, stupid. Everyone, except for Charlie, keeps beginning and ending the sentence with someone’s name “Damn it Charlie!”, “Why did you do this Charlie?”, “Where is Max?”, “Did Marvin give the money?”, “Zeus accepted the fight.” and so on. People in normal conversation don’t repeat the name of someone they are talking to, at least not that often! It just seemed out of place and stupid. In certain points it just seemed that they are trying to make the scene longer just by emphasizing on the characters’ names.

You see, this movie has some faults, however the 7.2 rating on imdb.com might be a bit much for me. It is certainly a brighter and smarter picture of the future, in contrast with all the bad and dark examples we’ve seen so far on the big screen. However, that doesn’t change the fact that a good idea can be lost if attention isn’t paid to detail. But, if you are a Hugh Jackman fan, you should definitely check this one out!
Until the next item on my list!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Charlie Kenton - Hugh Jackman

Max - Dakota Goyo

Bailey - Evangeline Lilly

Aunt Debra - Hope Davis

Marvin - James Rebhorn