Blogger: 5 Things That I Still Don't Understand

Over the past year I have become a big fan of the podcast Dear Hank And John, hosted by the VlogBrothers (about whom I have spoken a couple of times in the past entries), where, the two answer questions e-mailed by listeners, give "dubious" advice and talk about the weekly news from the planet Mars and the 3rd tier English football club AFC Wimbledon. Now, since I have been listening to it, I have reached two conclusions: people have fascinating brains and I have a million questions about the world that I never would have thought about asking from two strangers. There are things that I of course wonder about, but I never say them out loud. Also, once you fall in love with these two men, and how can you not, they are simply wonderful human beings, you too will want to have hour long conversations with them about literally anything. Around me a lot of people emphasize how it is the end of the decade, and how important that is, and well, I want to write down at least these five big questions so they do not torment me anymore in the next decade. Maybe the universe will answer me!

About Hollywood...

1) Why the make-up department doesn't give men beards when they have to make them look older?

This is something that makes me mad... first of all, yes, being attracted to facial hair is a fetish, here you go world, women have fetishes too that is not restricted to the kitchen and having a clean apartment! But most important, even if say I DO prefer EVERY male actor with ANY kind of facial hair, I just know by fact that a man with a full grown beard simply looks older. I do not understand the hours they spend on giving them lines around their eyes and mouths instead of covering their face... Especially because it is at an old age that men have enough of having to shave so often. Once the missus doesn't care, trust me, the razor goes into the bin. And of course, beards are usually associated with those men that don't really take care of themselves, or do not have the possibility to shave whatsoever, but if anything, the hipster revolution (that is what I am calling it) showcased that there is fashion and value to a well groomed goatee or mustache. And here, I am not talking about men who themselves do not like to have facial hair, but simply the make-up department and the person responsible for the look of the actors on set: GIVE THEM BEARDS IF YOU WANT THEM TO LOOK OLDER. Imagine, for a second, search for pictures of Daniel Radcliffe with a full on beard, and tell me that the last scene of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 2, that ridiculous scene where they all still look 16, would not have looked better had Harry and Ron been covered by a beard instead of a fake, what, beer belly?! That scene had "divorce" written all over it, and it made me feel like perhaps these people are way to young to be having sex... ANYWAY, culture has spoken: a well groomed beard is sexy, it is not a sign of neglect anymore, so get on it Hollywood!

About growing up...

2) Why aren't people warned about the price of cheese?

Photo by wahlerb from FreeImages

I have been living alone for a couple of years now, and dear god, I still read lists of things people compile over stuff nobody warned them about when it came to adulthood and I am offended that NONE of them list cheese! How the f*ck can a family afford cheese? Especially at the rate of which we are eating it! OK, manufacturing perhaps isn't that cheap, but think about it: there was always a slice of cheese in your sandwich growing up, how?! We are conditioned to have cheese as a necessary component to enjoy, really, ANY food at this point, come to think of it, but its price is simply outrages to me. Imagine having to go shopping without your parents for the first time in your life, and you buy 6 items, and 50% of the money you paid is just that one triangle of cheese... I am furious. I can't let this go, why did nobody warn me?!

About faith...

3) Why is climate change a question of belief?

Every single person you have a conversation with, let it be a 70+ person, or one who is only 15, will tell you that summer/winter "wasn't like this when I was young". First, it is scary that a 15 year old, someone born in the 2000s already experiences changes in the weather to this degree. Second, I find that saying that it is a Chinese hoax is no longer an argument, if you yourself are telling me and admitting how the world has changed. And my issues comes here... I do not think that the idea of climate change should be excluded because of your religious affiliations. My father told me a joke once, well, more of an example of stupidity, in my opinion, but it goes like this: Flood arrives to a little town, an old man sits in his kitchen, neighbors arrive and tell him to go with them before the flood takes over, he says "No, thank you, God will take care of me". Water rises, and he sits up on his table, when another group of neighbors arrive and ask the old man to go with them, he says "No, thank you, God will take care of me". He has to climb higher, and sits on top of the house now, when a small boat passes by and a group of stranger ask him to go with him, he says "No, God will take care of him". The old man dies and at the gates of Heaven asks God why he did not save him, when God answers that he had sent three different people to help him and he was the one to refuse their hand. I find this to be a perfect analogy, because, just looking at Noah's Ark, you cannot tell me that it would be unprecedented, if indeed your belief is that there is an omnipotent being above us, that this climate change might have been his doing. Look at pollution, look at plastic waste, at cars... we made this. If your belief dictates that you can be punished for your wrong-doing, even the kind that was involuntary, I just do not see how this does not fall into the same category. I, myself, do not believe in this entity, but from all that I have learned on religion I cannot see how one cancels out the other, unless you have a stupid preacher who focuses on one or two pages of the Bible instead of its overall teachings. #Burn. But in that case, I invite you to start looking around you not through the pages of a book, but between the lines and see what experience dictates to you.

In the kitchen...

4) Where does 1/5 of my water go when I fill it up for tea 

(while the teabag is inside)?

I know what you are gonna say... the teabag soaked it up. And yes, that is the only logical conclusion I could come to, however, when I squeeze on the bag to let out the excessive water, it is never the same amount coming out (actually, it is never more than a few drops). This is especially frustrating when I fill up my cup, and have just enough water, and then I look back and almost half of it is gone... I am not looking for a very tasty SIP of water, I f*cking want a cup of tea!!! I do not know how many times I was just sitting there watching the cup, and you know what is fun? Water NEVER disappears when you are actually looking at it, it only does when you turn away to put the kettle back. I know, I know, I should just stare at it all the time, thanks, you are very helpful... And I know I can put more water in, but I still get to be upset!

maximumble.thebookofbiff.com

In a social setting...

5) Why does everyone feel the need to share their own method for stopping hiccups every time another person actually has the hiccups?

"You know what works for me?" No, Karen, and I don't give a f*ck either, because I am 30 and I had the pleasure of stopping a couple hundred hiccups already in my life. You can hold your breathe, take small sips of water, big sips, while holding your breathe, or swallowing a lot, and you can jump from a bridge and die because hiccups are the f*cking worst... HOWEVER, you telling me what I am doing it wrong, when I try to stop it makes me want to punch you over and over again. There is nothing constructive about this interaction, as I find that nobody is actually trying to give advice here, we are just all undermining the other's ability to stop their own effing hiccups. I can tell you that EVERY single time a different method worked for me, and I actually have to go through all of them to get rid of it every once in a while. And unless you can actually tell me something that does not involve me breathing differently and a combination of water intake, then you can keep your method to yourself, thank you very much. (Does this reaction come from the same part of our brains that claims "It's not cold once you are inside!", when we are trying to get someone to come into the water? Because that interaction has about the same value, which is 0.)

While writing this entry I got into thinking and I decided to include an extra question, as I experienced one of these just 5 seconds before posting my last entry of the decade. Thank you everyone for reading, liking and sharing my posts over the years, I look forward to year 9 of the blog! Have a super Happy New Year!

The extra question...

+) When someone says "What?" why do we only repeat the end of the sentence?

".....mhhmhhmh and Pikachu." What? "Pikachu!", oh my god, 99.9% of the cases you do not hear what someone says because you are not paying attention at the BEGINNING of the sentence. Yet, all of us, me included, always just repeat the end of the sentence. Where does that come from? Is it coded into us? I feel that this is such an instinct that we do not pick it up from our parents, or adults around us when we get older, but we do because we are wired to do so. And I find it funny, that I still do it, knowing how frustrated I am, because once I realize that someone is talking to me I do look up, listen, but only catch the end of the sentence. Let us exclude the fact that most times we realize we did in fact hear the whole sentence by the time the other repeats it, but I still find it fascinating that I cannot kick this bad habit. But let us all try, in 2020, to repeat the WHOLE sentence, not just the last word.